one of the biggest challenges I've faced thus far is figuring out my career path. the overall dream of peace, love, happiness, health and financial security remain unchanged, but the means to get there--particularly the financial security part--are ever-changing. I change dreams like panties.
it's partly because of the intimidation of agency. knowing that the timetable has lost the rigid rows and columns that dictated what to study at what point in my education, with the only choice I have to make being location. Not studying geometry in 9th grade was not an option, while at 25, what happens next is up to me and only me.
it's also because of the way my mind works. anything I see/read/hear can spark a new career path.
and then I drive myself insane.
do my career plans keep evolving because I believe so strongly that I can do anything I put my mind to? or can I not put my mind to a single thing because I don't believe in myself?
I do know that I need to learn to give credit where credit is due. to myself. the default path that my career is on is not for the faint of heart, and demands a skill set and work ethic that obviously someone in the advertising industry believes I have and can continue to develop, or else I wouldn't get promoted and placed on one "special" project after another. and it's time that I recognize that and feel comfortable with delivering the pat on my own back.
I also need to mind my Prep kid ways--stop planning and just do. If not, I'm always going to feel as though I'm not doing enough, not good enough and therefore be undermining my strengths and blessings that are a gift from God.
I'll embrace the freedom of evolution. knowing that He has yet to and will not give me more than I can handle, and my plan probably can't compare to what He has in store for me.
so I will let go of the self-imposed pressure, anxiety and high blood pressure. I'll continue to keep working hard and pushing forward. and breathe. everything's gonna work out right, I know.
Showing posts with label farmers boulevard of dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label farmers boulevard of dreams. Show all posts
26 March 2011
21 March 2011
25 February 2011
28 October 2009
serenity
why does he get to be happy while I feel miserable?
It only looks that way.
You're right.
I'm actually not miserable. quite happy. just feel like sometimes something is missing...
Which is fine.
Right. Gotta think short term vs. long term.
I'm so ridiculous, I can clearly see God has a plan. plus, nothing happens before its time.
Exaaaactly.
before I went to bed last night, I went through my routine. food away. lights off. into bed. call Tutu. I probably drive her insane, but since she insists that I don't, I just keep doing what I'm doing.
plotting. planning. preparing.
for the day will come when I wrap production on my highly anticipated album. Oprah will tour my neighborhood and interview me for her show and magazine. I'll sell out a benefit show within minutes. I will have written the city's greatest anthem, only to be presented with an opportunity to root, root, root for the home team, opening the World Series with my song. while I proudly sport the cap I've made my trademark.
yeah, it'll go something like that. and while you chalk it up to perfect timing, I'll call it God's plan.
fahjah says fail to prepare is to prepare to fail.
and so I pray.
It only looks that way.
You're right.
I'm actually not miserable. quite happy. just feel like sometimes something is missing...
Which is fine.
Right. Gotta think short term vs. long term.
I'm so ridiculous, I can clearly see God has a plan. plus, nothing happens before its time.
Exaaaactly.
before I went to bed last night, I went through my routine. food away. lights off. into bed. call Tutu. I probably drive her insane, but since she insists that I don't, I just keep doing what I'm doing.
plotting. planning. preparing.
for the day will come when I wrap production on my highly anticipated album. Oprah will tour my neighborhood and interview me for her show and magazine. I'll sell out a benefit show within minutes. I will have written the city's greatest anthem, only to be presented with an opportunity to root, root, root for the home team, opening the World Series with my song. while I proudly sport the cap I've made my trademark.
yeah, it'll go something like that. and while you chalk it up to perfect timing, I'll call it God's plan.
fahjah says fail to prepare is to prepare to fail.
and so I pray.
06 October 2009
Dear Duke
when I graduated last year I thought my world was over. for six years, my life was about duke-- first two years tryna figure out how to get there, and the last four figuring out how to stay. to say graduation was bittersweet would be inaccurate. more like bitter. I wasn’t done there. there was so much left to see, do, take advantage of. at the very least, there was a half-empty bottle of captain at dillo waiting for me with my name on it. but 11.may.08 came and it was a wrap. was this what it felt like to be evicted?
so I tried to beat them at their own game and returned to campus every chance I could get. homecoming. vacation days and money to burn. roundtrips, roadtrips, I was there. but it’s not the same. hasn’t been the same. won’t be the same.
please press play. it's his first single "Bachelor's Anthem" and i'm dead from the intro.
visit www.iamanthem.com for some great music.
so to my old workout buddy, good luck and, of course, stay gassed, boo :)
29 September 2009
11 September 2009
I don't chase boys I chase promotions.
big pimpin' in the house now
bought the land, tore the muhfuckin house down
bought the car, tore the muhfuckin roof off
ride clean, I don't ever take the shoes off
bought the jeep, tore the muhfuckin doors off
pulled out that bitch, ride the shit like a skateboard
navigation on, tryna find my next thrill
feelin' myself, I don't even need an Ex pill
can't chill but my neck will
haters really gon' be mad off my next deal
I dunno why they worried 'bout my pockets
meanwhile had Oprah chillin in the projects
had her out in bed stuy, chillin on the steps
drinkin quarter waters, gotta be the best
MJ at Summer Jam, Obama on the text
yall should be afraid of what I'm gon do next.
bought the land, tore the muhfuckin house down
bought the car, tore the muhfuckin roof off
ride clean, I don't ever take the shoes off
bought the jeep, tore the muhfuckin doors off
pulled out that bitch, ride the shit like a skateboard
navigation on, tryna find my next thrill
feelin' myself, I don't even need an Ex pill
can't chill but my neck will
haters really gon' be mad off my next deal
I dunno why they worried 'bout my pockets
meanwhile had Oprah chillin in the projects
had her out in bed stuy, chillin on the steps
drinkin quarter waters, gotta be the best
MJ at Summer Jam, Obama on the text
yall should be afraid of what I'm gon do next.
on to the next one.
10 August 2009
I hope they retake this picture in a few years...
...so I can claim that space on the left.I've got my screw face on deck.
07 May 2009
just gotta make it
sometimes I take a step out of the moment, out of the excitement, out of the optimism, and I crash. I know I've made it this far, but where exactly am I going? Paris? to do what? ideally i'd be sticking it out where I am, climbing the ranks, but I feel like i'm suspended in time, forever entry-level, an AAE. I sit in meetings with the hbic, amazed at how brilliant she is. how thorough she is. how passionate about her work she is. and I want to be her. this is my industry. I know it. I can feel it. this is why I've taken internships in so many random fields. to lead me here. to advertising. June 18th will make one year, and I've certainly come a long, long way. I've learned a lot, and I've been able to take ownership of my work and contribute, meaningfully, to the team. but sometimes, I crash.
sometimes I literally spend a week just scheduling meetings. what the hell does that have to do with advertising? advancing in my field? I haven't been able to watch Gossip Girl in nearly two months because I'm usually still in the office at 8, waiting to send out the status document for our Tuesday morning meetings. and no matter how early I give the boss the doc so I can get his input, he'll still spend the next three hours telling me that he'll be by my desk in 5 minutes. and there are some days when I know my boss and I are ready to wring each others necks. the tension is palpable. before I can sit down with my lean cuisine to take a 5-minute break from the madness to eat my joke of a meal, she's firing off 5 things at once that apparently have to be done at that instant.
but then I realize that a year ago, I didn't even have a job, just a degree. a year ago, I couldn't tell you what a PO was. an ISCI code. a job number. and now they're mine. next week, i'll be leading the budget meeting. i'll be updating the team on how much we've spent in production and what we've got left. and at the end of the month, i'll be sitting in an office with the hbic managing the big budget. the numbers that are shared with the CFO and CEO. and though I may still spend hours and days scheduling meetings, my boss calls me Stef Magic because she says I make things happen.
I got summoned to the BOSS's office today. she's kinda a big deal. like running a global business with regional hubs in brazil, london and singapore, big deal, and just expanded the business to toothpaste, big deal. and when I got there, I didn't even have a pen and notebook. unprepared. breathe. they're prepping for a huge meeting upstairs and she just wants me to make sure it's getting done. okay, I can handle that. and so I ran up to 10-main, and walked into heaven. the walls were covered with new and different print executions to further the brands represented. all so smart and well executed. I got it. it made sense to me. this is what we're working towards. we know that every toothbrush ad looks the same and we also know that advertising is the art of difference, or at least so says our founder. and in that room I saw difference. and it was amazing. and though it may take years to get the marketing clients to buy into this differentiation, I was excited to know that while we who are lower on the totem are working hard on five projects at a time, managing the day-to-day business, the big dogs are at the top, working hard to differentiate, putting forth some really big ideas.
Sunday afternoon I went thrift shopping with Richie. we were in Bushwick, combing through the racks, hoping to come across some gem of a find. I with about ten pieces, he with at least 20, we grabbed two fitting rooms and went to work. and after over an hour in that store, we emerged, grinning from ear to ear, victorious. he with a Dior shirt, among others, and I with a beat up sweatshirt with the Champion script scrawled across the chest. and even though I scored three great polos and a Fendi clutch, I was most excited about that sweatshirt because every morning when I arrive at the office, after I wash the subway grime off my hands, I check my email to ensure that nothing blew up while we were asleep. and as I walk to the kitchen to prepare my bomb ass oatmeal, I see an ad for the sportswear company, enlarged and framed besides the CEO's door, that reads, "There's a name for people that never quit."
sometimes I literally spend a week just scheduling meetings. what the hell does that have to do with advertising? advancing in my field? I haven't been able to watch Gossip Girl in nearly two months because I'm usually still in the office at 8, waiting to send out the status document for our Tuesday morning meetings. and no matter how early I give the boss the doc so I can get his input, he'll still spend the next three hours telling me that he'll be by my desk in 5 minutes. and there are some days when I know my boss and I are ready to wring each others necks. the tension is palpable. before I can sit down with my lean cuisine to take a 5-minute break from the madness to eat my joke of a meal, she's firing off 5 things at once that apparently have to be done at that instant.
but then I realize that a year ago, I didn't even have a job, just a degree. a year ago, I couldn't tell you what a PO was. an ISCI code. a job number. and now they're mine. next week, i'll be leading the budget meeting. i'll be updating the team on how much we've spent in production and what we've got left. and at the end of the month, i'll be sitting in an office with the hbic managing the big budget. the numbers that are shared with the CFO and CEO. and though I may still spend hours and days scheduling meetings, my boss calls me Stef Magic because she says I make things happen.
I got summoned to the BOSS's office today. she's kinda a big deal. like running a global business with regional hubs in brazil, london and singapore, big deal, and just expanded the business to toothpaste, big deal. and when I got there, I didn't even have a pen and notebook. unprepared. breathe. they're prepping for a huge meeting upstairs and she just wants me to make sure it's getting done. okay, I can handle that. and so I ran up to 10-main, and walked into heaven. the walls were covered with new and different print executions to further the brands represented. all so smart and well executed. I got it. it made sense to me. this is what we're working towards. we know that every toothbrush ad looks the same and we also know that advertising is the art of difference, or at least so says our founder. and in that room I saw difference. and it was amazing. and though it may take years to get the marketing clients to buy into this differentiation, I was excited to know that while we who are lower on the totem are working hard on five projects at a time, managing the day-to-day business, the big dogs are at the top, working hard to differentiate, putting forth some really big ideas.
Sunday afternoon I went thrift shopping with Richie. we were in Bushwick, combing through the racks, hoping to come across some gem of a find. I with about ten pieces, he with at least 20, we grabbed two fitting rooms and went to work. and after over an hour in that store, we emerged, grinning from ear to ear, victorious. he with a Dior shirt, among others, and I with a beat up sweatshirt with the Champion script scrawled across the chest. and even though I scored three great polos and a Fendi clutch, I was most excited about that sweatshirt because every morning when I arrive at the office, after I wash the subway grime off my hands, I check my email to ensure that nothing blew up while we were asleep. and as I walk to the kitchen to prepare my bomb ass oatmeal, I see an ad for the sportswear company, enlarged and framed besides the CEO's door, that reads, "There's a name for people that never quit."
28 April 2009
dream BIG
it started with a convo, catching up with an old friend. I hadn't seen him in awhile and I wanted to know what he was up to. he said something about being in red hook, which I know is in BK, but not close by, so I wiki'ed to get some more insight.
but I don't really care about red hook, my fave part of bk is brooklyn heights. so I wiki'ed that.
oooo they say they have some mansions there...
(2:55:38 PM) :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mansion
(2:55:43 PM) : I want one of those
(3:18:21 PM) : those are so overwhelming
(3:18:30 PM): like too much?
(3:18:47 PM) : i live in a place near a bunch of rskins
(3:18:47 PM) : so i see ALOT of those
(3:19:17 PM) : no.... like too much, too big, too everything
(3:19:17 PM) : they're AMAZING to look at
(3:19:17 PM) : but i could NOT see myself living in those
(3:19:30 PM) : rskins = redskins (in typo language)
(3:21:05 PM) : one day i'll take a picture when i drive by it, but there's this one house on this road i take toward DC.... that thing looks like an amusement park
(3:22:48 PM) : but do they just live in huge houses or like historic mansions with centuries-old architectural detail?
(3:23:29 PM) : both
(3:24:10 PM) : I wanna do a mansion tour
(3:24:21 PM) : like I've seen big houses, but these estates are something totally different
(3:25:28 PM) : they just look fancy and u get caught up
(3:27:58 PM) : i'm sad that the fifth ave ones got demolished
(3:28:02 PM) : i'm waiting for you to break out the spiel
(3:28:05 PM) : about how it's more than just that
(3:28:17 PM) : and it somehow is your destiny
(3:28:17 PM) : and so on and so forth
(3:29:36 PM) : lol i feel like u dont really want a mansion tho, i think u want a castle
but I don't really care about red hook, my fave part of bk is brooklyn heights. so I wiki'ed that.
oooo they say they have some mansions there...
(2:55:38 PM) :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mansion
(2:55:43 PM) : I want one of those
(3:18:21 PM) : those are so overwhelming
(3:18:30 PM): like too much?
(3:18:47 PM) : i live in a place near a bunch of rskins
(3:18:47 PM) : so i see ALOT of those
(3:19:17 PM) : no.... like too much, too big, too everything
(3:19:17 PM) : they're AMAZING to look at
(3:19:17 PM) : but i could NOT see myself living in those
(3:19:30 PM) : rskins = redskins (in typo language)
(3:21:05 PM) : one day i'll take a picture when i drive by it, but there's this one house on this road i take toward DC.... that thing looks like an amusement park
(3:22:48 PM) : but do they just live in huge houses or like historic mansions with centuries-old architectural detail?
(3:23:29 PM) : both
(3:24:10 PM) : I wanna do a mansion tour
(3:24:21 PM) : like I've seen big houses, but these estates are something totally different
(3:25:28 PM) : they just look fancy and u get caught up
(3:27:58 PM) : i'm sad that the fifth ave ones got demolished
(3:28:02 PM) : i'm waiting for you to break out the spiel
(3:28:05 PM) : about how it's more than just that
(3:28:17 PM) : and it somehow is your destiny
(3:28:17 PM) : and so on and so forth
(3:29:36 PM) : lol i feel like u dont really want a mansion tho, i think u want a castle
28 March 2009
the prelude
you know, you got this
fantasy in your head
about getting outta the life
and setting the corporate world on its ears
the fuck you gonna do, except hustle.
fantasy in your head
about getting outta the life
and setting the corporate world on its ears
the fuck you gonna do, except hustle.
06 March 2009
the biggest bosses you'll see for awhile
it took nine years for Lady O to find someone worthy of sharing the spotlight with her. the view from the top must be spectacular.
25 December 2008
Christmas in Queens
we've spent Christmas in Georgia for the past five years. this next selection goes out to my childhood:
It's Christmas time in Springfield G
Dad's cooking pepper pot and seasoning meat
Mom's baking bread, mixing up cake
and Santa is already two hours late!
Decorate with lists all over the house
Shawn wants Power Rangers
Stace & I want bikes
Shonette wants a karaoke machine,
mom says we'll get nothing if we don't go to sleep!
So up the stairs, we run to our beds
Dreams of toys run through our heads
Finally we close our eyes
to wake up to a great Christmas surprise!
Merry Christmas!
p.s. to all those writing "X-mas", this public service announcement brought to you by Shawn:
"Heavenly Father, I just wanted to say Happy Birthday!"
let's remember to put the "Christ" back in "Christmas"
amen.
It's Christmas time in Springfield G
Dad's cooking pepper pot and seasoning meat
Mom's baking bread, mixing up cake
and Santa is already two hours late!
Decorate with lists all over the house
Shawn wants Power Rangers
Stace & I want bikes
Shonette wants a karaoke machine,
mom says we'll get nothing if we don't go to sleep!
So up the stairs, we run to our beds
Dreams of toys run through our heads
Finally we close our eyes
to wake up to a great Christmas surprise!
Merry Christmas!
p.s. to all those writing "X-mas", this public service announcement brought to you by Shawn:
"Heavenly Father, I just wanted to say Happy Birthday!"
let's remember to put the "Christ" back in "Christmas"
amen.
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