let it flow

one of the biggest challenges I've faced thus far is figuring out my career path. the overall dream of peace, love, happiness, health and financial security remain unchanged, but the means to get there--particularly the financial security part--are ever-changing. I change dreams like panties.

it's partly because of the intimidation of agency. knowing that the timetable has lost the rigid rows and columns that dictated what to study at what point in my education, with the only choice I have to make being location. Not studying geometry in 9th grade was not an option, while at 25, what happens next is up to me and only me.

it's also because of the way my mind works. anything I see/read/hear can spark a new career path.

and then I drive myself insane.

do my career plans keep evolving because I believe so strongly that I can do anything I put my mind to? or can I not put my mind to a single thing because I don't believe in myself?

I do know that I need to learn to give credit where credit is due. to myself. the default path that my career is on is not for the faint of heart, and demands a skill set and work ethic that obviously someone in the advertising industry believes I have and can continue to develop, or else I wouldn't get promoted and placed on one "special" project after another. and it's time that I recognize that and feel comfortable with delivering the pat on my own back.

I also need to mind my Prep kid ways--stop planning and just do. If not, I'm always going to feel as though I'm not doing enough, not good enough and therefore be undermining my strengths and blessings that are a gift from God.

I'll embrace the freedom of evolution. knowing that He has yet to and will not give me more than I can handle, and my plan probably can't compare to what He has in store for me.

so I will let go of the self-imposed pressure, anxiety and high blood pressure. I'll continue to keep working hard and pushing forward. and breathe. everything's gonna work out right, I know.

dress for the job you want

monday. jil sander.

tuesday. lanvin.

wednesday. prada.

thursday. balmain.

friday. proenza.

hired.

all ss 11.
style.com.

make lemonade

 

 Anthony Robles. 2011 NCAA National Wrestling Champion.
(AP Photo/Matt Slocum)

the american dream is at his inner core

my favorite people are those that say fuck it to the beaten path and just move steadily towards their dreams.  the ones that would rather die enormous than live dormant. support the reality makers.
download: www.tinyurl.com/mixtapeanthem

what dreams are made of

I was there

"I didn't set out to make a New York album. but when I listened back to the record, it was a very NY record...New York has that affect on me."

i'm focused, man

the allure

there’s nothing like a good chase to get your blood flowing, adrenaline pumping, hormones into a tizzy. nothing like looking at the board in front of you, planning your next move, just a step away from snatching the queen. and when the game’s over and you’re crowned the winner, you dump all the pieces back in the box. and move on.

I’ve got a couple pieces to throw in the box. shit ain’t even fun no more.

in the next game, I solemnly swear to change my approach. cuz I be doin’ the most.

27.

"I’ve been so faithful my entire career. I’ve been praying, praying, praying to God to lead me in the right direction. And God didn’t (let) me down. He led me here and this is unbelievable."
*Mark Teixiera

espn.com

the defense rests.

serenity

why does he get to be happy while I feel miserable?
It only looks that way.
You're right.

I'm actually not miserable. quite happy. just feel like sometimes something is missing...
Which is fine.
Right. Gotta think short term vs. long term.

I'm so ridiculous, I can clearly see God has a plan. plus, nothing happens before its time.
Exaaaactly.

before I went to bed last night, I went through my routine. food away. lights off. into bed. call Tutu. I probably drive her insane, but since she insists that I don't, I just keep doing what I'm doing.

plotting. planning. preparing.

for the day will come when I wrap production on my highly anticipated album. Oprah will tour my neighborhood and interview me for her show and magazine. I'll sell out a benefit show within minutes. I will have written the city's greatest anthem, only to be presented with an opportunity to root, root, root for the home team, opening the World Series with my song. while I proudly sport the cap I've made my trademark.

yeah, it'll go something like that. and while you chalk it up to perfect timing, I'll call it God's plan.

fahjah says fail to prepare is to prepare to fail.

and so I pray.