let it flow

one of the biggest challenges I've faced thus far is figuring out my career path. the overall dream of peace, love, happiness, health and financial security remain unchanged, but the means to get there--particularly the financial security part--are ever-changing. I change dreams like panties.

it's partly because of the intimidation of agency. knowing that the timetable has lost the rigid rows and columns that dictated what to study at what point in my education, with the only choice I have to make being location. Not studying geometry in 9th grade was not an option, while at 25, what happens next is up to me and only me.

it's also because of the way my mind works. anything I see/read/hear can spark a new career path.

and then I drive myself insane.

do my career plans keep evolving because I believe so strongly that I can do anything I put my mind to? or can I not put my mind to a single thing because I don't believe in myself?

I do know that I need to learn to give credit where credit is due. to myself. the default path that my career is on is not for the faint of heart, and demands a skill set and work ethic that obviously someone in the advertising industry believes I have and can continue to develop, or else I wouldn't get promoted and placed on one "special" project after another. and it's time that I recognize that and feel comfortable with delivering the pat on my own back.

I also need to mind my Prep kid ways--stop planning and just do. If not, I'm always going to feel as though I'm not doing enough, not good enough and therefore be undermining my strengths and blessings that are a gift from God.

I'll embrace the freedom of evolution. knowing that He has yet to and will not give me more than I can handle, and my plan probably can't compare to what He has in store for me.

so I will let go of the self-imposed pressure, anxiety and high blood pressure. I'll continue to keep working hard and pushing forward. and breathe. everything's gonna work out right, I know.