"willow trees are flexible. their slender, supple branches bend with the wind. this makes them more resistant to breaking when the weather becomes wild and is hostile to most other trees. follow the example of the willow today, Sagittarius. someone may enter your life today and attempt to wreak havoc. this individual may be bad-tempered or overpowering. if you try to resist by reacting in the same way, you will break. although the outcome may not involve a loss of any kind, it will leave you feeling emotionally battered. but if you can bend, you will feel enlightened instead."

-------

I felt so overwhelmed last night. frustrated for the past couple of months. wondering what I'd gotten myself into, and having to realize that I can't change my environment, and can't keep changing environments every time I'm unhappy with the management. that there's something going on here, a lesson to be learned---I have to not change myself, but how I react to what's going on around me.

-------

"you just keep being your smiling, bubbly self," he said. "set the example."

3005

I'm locked inside
A land called foolish pride
Where the man is always right
He hates to talk but loves to fight
Is that alright?

On real cold days
He loans us lots of hate
But he says that we must pay
To take it all away
Is that ok?

But I'm asking you will you stay with me
In this land where we are free
And I know it's rough
And you've had enough
But one day we'll be happy

And when I look into the future I see danger in its eyes
Hearts of hatred rule the land while love is left aside
Killing plagues the citizens while music slowly dies
I get frightened, I
See, I get frightened, I...

Oh how, oh how I need you baby
To keep me from going crazy
I really need you baby
Need you to stay

Oh how, oh how I love you baby
These people are so crazy
I really need you baby
Need you to stay

She's quick to fight
For her man but not her rights
Even though it's 3005
When will we end this genocide?
And that's not right

Her children cry
No food to eat and afraid as flies
The color black means it's time to die
And nobody questions why
Cause they're too scared to stop the man

But I'm asking you will you stay with me
In this land where we are free
And I know it's rough
And you've had enough
But one day we'll be happy

When I look into the future
I see danger in its eyes
Babies die before they're born
And no one ever smiles
The writers and the artists, all are paid to tell us lies
To keep us locked inside, they keep us locked inside

Oh how, oh how I need you baby
To keep me from going crazy
I really need you baby
Need you to stay

Oh how, oh how I love you baby
These people are so crazy
I really need you baby
Need you to stay

I can make a change
I can start a fire
Lord, make me love again
Fill me with desire

I can make a change
I can start a fire
Make me love again
Lord, thank You for desire
And when I look into your pretty eyes I almost want to cry
I think about my life and I don't want to live a lie
How I need you baby, I need you right by my side
I need you tonight, I need you tonight

Sagittarius. March 2011. Essence.

LOVE: Your libido can weather the storm, but don't confuse lust with love.

WORK: If you find authority unsettling, consider starting your own business.

my december 2nd baby

used to love this blog. lost sleep over this blog. would be up til 2 or 3 having to wake up by 7 over this blog.

had so much to say. so much on my mind. just wanted to write. didn't care who read. save a few comments here and there, I thought, still think, it's just me. here.

used to love reading old posts. smiling. impressed. by some witty. rude. smart. sentence. paragraph. story. funny too, because up until this point, I swore I hated writing. expression. thought I preferred keeping shit bottled. guess I was wrong.

used to love reading. back in April we formed a book club and I was excited. matter of fact, there were two clubs. one untitled. we're still debating Amen Corner vs. Giovanni's Room. but when I went to Borders for either title, the dumbass helping me said he wasn't familiar with Baldwin, but could help me find Eric Jerome Dickey.

the other, Boobies. we haven't gotten too far with that. started with Influence. ended with Influence. but picking up that book every coupla weeks to read a few interviews has been keeping me going.

and then there's the Bible. don't really read it. haven't really read it, save a few chapters in Genesis. but Lord, I pray my heart out.

guess I'm nothing but overwhelmed. don't ask me about work. don't ask how I'm doing. don't wanna talk about it. don't wanna talk. if not for my shiny new Curve, I probably wouldn't call/text/bbm.

don't really peruse the 'nets anymore. keep it pretty minimal. People. YBF. The Cut. RBGs. don't wanna interact with you. nothing really matters at all. not quite what Lauryn meant. but like Rih said- I don't really give a fuck.

once upon a time, I had a corner in my apartment. sectioned off by blue tulle. tons of comforters lined the floor. I saw something like it on Cribs once. before she was too grown to be a Child, it was in B's room. issues of W, Bazaar and Teen Vogue strewn throughout. Sex and the City season 3 in the DVD player. Chris Brown streaming through my speakers. I used to dream in that corner. blanketed in magazines. back when life was easy. errr... not easy. just easier.

now my room is barely decorated. thank God for the purple walls. and the purple sheets. and thank God for mom finding them. one less thing for me to lose my mind over. one day I'll have the energy to hang up Naomi & Kate. in the meantime, I barely roll out of bed. don't even know my favorite magazine. thankfully Reyes figured that out for me.

Paper and Essence all over the place that need to be recycled. SATC replaced by Gossip Girl. Chris Brown replaced by...some goat that yells like Usher.

and my delicious, home cooked meals have, once again, been replaced by Smart Ones.

and this blog. almost lost it. still losing me. lost my mind a while ago.

but don't call 911. cuz i'll deny everything.

on beauty

"I’ve never equated beautiful lingerie with seduction or sex. It’s not about trying to get a man. Not at all. It’s about surrounding myself with beauty in my everyday life — whether it’s a bra or a notebook. I want everything around me to be attractive because I look at it every day."
*Dita Von Teese [Just Jared via Jezebel via The Cut]

the prelude

you know, you got this

fantasy in your head


about getting outta the life


and setting the corporate world on its ears



the fuck you gonna do, except hustle.

when's the last time you had a conversation with yourself? a nice, warm, heart-to-heart...

when's the last time you took a few minutes to yourself? to sit peacefully and reflect on you. not what's happening at work, with your classes, your love life, your social life...but really took some time for you?

have a seat. lower the computer screen. turn the music down, it doesn't have to be off, just low enough that you can hear...you. and put that phone on silent. if it's urgent, they'll leave a voicemail.

maybe you want to close your eyes. or maybe you want to sit in front of a mirror and stare at the reflection. study the person looking back at you. notice that scar on your right cheek that kinda looks like a tiny birthmark. a beauty mark. notice the shape of your eyes. your nose. the fullness of your lips. take a minute to smile at the reflection, she really is beautiful.

and when you're done with the outside, turn the conversation inward. how've you been? what are you doing that's making you smile? have you commended yourself recently? I bet you've achieved more than you've given yourself credit for and i hope you're not waiting for someone else to acknowledge your accomplishments. that's why we're here today. to acknowledge...you. what are you proud of? what have you overcome? don't forget to go and brush your shoulders off.

so, what's got you down? let's start with a stretch. inhale. so, are you making silly mistakes at work? is it the weather? yeah, this winter-in-spring shit is for the birds. or is it some stupid boy? you know better than that. niggas ain't shit but hoes and tricks. fuck 'em. exhale--release.

what are your strengths? everyone's got some of those, so you're no different. don't forget about them, they'll get you through your weaknesses.

and let's talk about these weaknesses. they're not really weaknesses, just areas of improvement. look how well we spun that! just like Wall Street financiers did with their earnings statements. except you're not ruining everyone's lives. just improving yours. but back to you, make a note of those areas, and now, let's set out and improve them, so we can add them to the list of accomplishments.

take one last stretch. a deep inhale and exhale.

go ahead, take over the world.

sagittariuses are also characteristically optimistic

i have bad days, but they're few and far between. something about sitting in one spot on some "woe is me" shit doesn't really work for me. i prefer to call one or two or three friends, get it all outta my system, and be over it.

last wednesday started as a bad day. there were chest pains from coughing too much. and then everyone in my office decided that that was the best day to be frantic about nothing, and i just don't do frantic, that's not how i work. and i was tired. over it.

miss ross called. she was at some bar. $5 drinks. so i met up with her thinking that'd be a great way to unwind from a stressful day. got to the bar. captain morgan waved hello. and then i got a call, "stephanie, this is your Captain speaking. don't forget you gave up alcohol for Lent." over.it.

so i'm tired, in pain, can't have a drink, and there's a man sitting next to miss ross that just won't stop telling us about how much he loves his girlfriend of five years and her kids. done.

and just like that, with less than three hours left in the day, it got better.

we had two orders of bomb ass chicken wings and loaded potato skins. a deeply discounted bill. and then we crossed the street and took a tour of heaven...















...the m&m's store.

three floors of everything m&m you could possibly need.


nighties and bedding!


towels and bathroom accessories!


bowls and plates and placemats, oh my!


someone please turn this into a t-shirt!


and potties, just in case the excitement has you on the verge of peeing yourself.

a perfect day.

i believe that happiness is a choice. things don't always go your way, but when they do, hold on to those times, they'll get you through the darker days.

about me

Sagittarius

November 22 - December 21 Sagittarius, the ninth Sign of the Zodiac, is the home of the wanderers of the Zodiac. It's not a mindless ramble for these folks, either. Sagittarians are truth-seekers, and the best way for them to do this is to hit the road, talk to others and get some answers. Knowledge is key to these folks, since it fuels their broad-minded approach to life. The Sagittarian-born are keenly interested in philosophy and religion, and they find that these disciplines aid their internal quest. At the end of the day, what Sagittarians want most is to know the meaning of life, and if they accomplish this while feeling free and easy, all the better.

It's the Archer which represents Sagittarians, although in this case it's a Centaur (half man, half beast) which is flinging the arrows. Centaurs were the intellectuals of ancient Roman mythology, and Sagittarians are quick to consider themselves their modern-day counterparts. Those born under this Sign are clear thinkers and choose to look at the big picture most of the time. They also like it when others agree with their well-thought-out point of view. The alternative to this, for better or for worse, is a Sag who can become argumentative and blunt. That's not to say that these folks are intransigent -- Archers will listen to what others have to say, in keeping with the Mutable Quality assigned to this Sign. Indeed, Sagittarians are enthusiastic consumers of information (and enthusiastic in general), the better to get the answers they need. It's also a good idea to give Sags lots of room to explore their world. Once these folks start to feel hemmed in, they'll become impatient and difficult.

via astrology.com

but none of that information is news to you.

because jordyne said so

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Your February Horoscope by Susan Miller

Sagittarius Horoscope for February 2009

As a Sagittarian, the world of news, ideas, and opinions nourishes your soul. You need a steady stream of new information to chew on, for doing so keeps you feeling alert and alive. February will brim with lots of incoming news and interaction with others, one reason why you will find this coming month so fascinating.

Travel, near and far, may well be on your agenda, too. Last month's solar eclipse, January 26, may have sent you to nearby cities. Now, this eclipse's twin, a lunar eclipse, will arrive as a full moon on February 9 and also may get you packing. You may hear of an international situation or trade opportunity that you'll want to investigate quickly.

***

Publishing, broadcasting, or teaching opportunities could alternatively come up, so if you are tapped for a special project, be sure to follow up and not wave off the offer. You may have never seen yourself as a writer, editor, researcher, reporter, anchor, or TV consultant, but that doesn't mean a thing. You may have a new role in the making. Something seems to be brewing, and as a result, your profile in your industry, or even in the world, will rise dramatically.

***

The month's strong emphasis on communication will also help you do well in matters of the heart, dear Sagittarius. Exchanging ideas and sharing new concepts will fan the fires of your relationship. As a Sagittarius, you love a witty exchange, and if you meet someone new who can keep up with you, well, that could be real love!

***

Overall, your career will bring a meditation about how, exactly, you'd like to make your living. Saturn is now precisely opposed to Uranus, and Saturn rules your second house of income. This suggests that going along the same old path likely won't cut it with you, especially if you never liked your job. Now Saturn will demand that you find something you do like so that you can passionately throw yourself into your work with renewed vigor.

okay, this is the part where i stopped reading. that shit was getting a little too eerie for me.

a day in the life of alicia stef

me: mom, i want to move to Paris
mahjah: okay

I stared at my berry for at least ten minutes waiting for her to say something else. it didn't even say she was typing. doesn't she know she can't play like this on bbm? how could i possibly tell my mother that her oldest baby was planning to move halfway across the world and the only thing that she could say was "okay"?! so i called her:

me: mom!
mahjah: yes?
me: I just told you I want to move to Paris and you said nothing!
mahjah: Stef, a half hour ago you were talking to me about business school.

when i was two my godmother bought me Fisher Price 1-2-3 skates. i later upgraded to big kid skates, stuck Stacey for her rollerblades and learned to do fancy things like skate backwards. i found my calling-- i wanna be a figure skater. not that rollerblading = ice skating.

Dr. Shepherd was the greatest. she was tall, had nice hair and seemed to always know what she was talking about, and i'm sure she did because she made sure that we were never sick for long. i wanted to be a pediatrician just like her.

and then i'd enroll at Harvard, Yale, Columbia or Princeton. i knew i was smart and smart people go to ivy league schools, right? so, i'll just apply to all four. i mean, when you were 10, did you really know that there were actually eight?

fuck an ivy. i'm gonna do something black. that's right, i'm going to Morgan State.

and I'm gonna be a banker because I'm good at math and my mom has been working for Chase since I learned to count. and i'm also great with kids, so I'm gonna be a teacher too. just like Mommy.

seriously tho, I'm going to Duke. i don't care if i'm a sophomore in high school and haven't seen a SAT. and you, teacher, i don't care if you think we're all nuts for talking about these schools as if it's possible to know exactly where we'll be in two years. so take your skepticism, and make your list of schools each of us says we'll attend. you're right, we probably won't even apply. you say i need more people? well, here's 1400. they're my classmates at Duke.

and then there was finance. TFA to take care of those loans, and, of course, cuz sus' luh da kids. something in media. magazine publishing. fashion? ahhh, advertising, finally.

there are scenes of my future that play on repeat, on a continuous loop, all in my head. so vivid. bright, sunshine, beaches, water. i see happiness. being a boss and crushing my industry. making a difference. having family all around me. building my own family. a great home. great friends. and those Louis bags. can't even count them anymore. but even though i have an idea of what i want my life to look like, the steps to ensure that this dream can become a tangible photograph, a snapshot of me living in that moment, seem almost impossible to enumerate. instead, i come up with one bright idea after another of what path i can take my life down, instead of actually fashioning my own and making these dreams more than just. examples of success abound around me. and i get it. ive been blessed to make it this far, and i have the tools to make incredible progress, but something's keeping me back.

several times a day i repeat to myself, "the only limit to the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams and your willingness to work hard for them." as michelle o. has so graciously pointed out, that something is me.

more challenging than a friday sudoku puzzle. my beautiful nightmare. trying to figure it all out. these passions and these talents that are waiting to be realized. actualized. beating myself up because i know what i need to do, i'm just not doing it. there's so much that goes through my head but i'm not expressing it. a constant struggle to just do it.

welcome to my blog.

what's in a name?

please don't judge me. now, i could be the only one (which i HIGHLY doubt), but I already have an idea of what I wanna name my kids. now, of course I can't control the gender, and can more or less control the number of children that I have (though, after awhile, enough is enough), so I may have to come up with a few off the top or just not use a few that I may have been hoping to get to, but let's just say i(we)'ll cross that bridge at that time.

how did i come up with the names? for the most part, i chose first/middle name combos based on what i thought sounded pretty/cool. that's what the celebs do, right? but, to be quite honest, it was never some deep, spiritual search to find as many iterations of "child of God" or "leader of the free world" or "Barack Obama" as I possibly could. i guess it was never that deep for me. until three weeks ago.

when I was home for Thanksgiving, Oluwateniola whisked me away to a baby naming ceremony for the newest bundle of joy to join the family. i learned that there is a Nigerian custom (and I hope I'm not butchering this) that after the 8th or 10th day that a child is born, a ceremony is held in the newborn's honor in order to give him a name. this young lad was surrounded by the greatest commotion and had not the faintest clue. the task at hand was to give him a name steeped in spirituality, something wonderfully auspicious, as a child's name is believed to greatly influence his destiny/path. aware of the importance of this, and clearly wanting this child to be quite jovial, invent the gadget that will usher the ipod to its imminent death, and singlehandledly save the world, all while wearing fly clothes and a sunny disposition, his parents gave him a whopping FIVE names. the only one that my uncivilized tongue could pronounce was David, meaning "beloved". and with five names to guide him through the shambles that is life, I would say that he most certainly is beloved.

then i realized-- i had no clue what any of my unborn kids' names meant. i quickly googled one name and set my bberry down disappointedly. my son's name meant something like "hollow". now, i'm not quite sure what that would mean for his fate, but it doesn't sound too bright. i almost ruined my child's life before he was even born! so, back to the drawing board.

the moral of the story? make sure you consult google before you name your child. and why?

well...

oluwateniola = God has given His honor

adetutu = queen of hearts

mekdes = Holy place; altar

stephanie = crown
alicia = of noble birth

...so what's in a name? apparently everything.

my boss told me to go out last night!

@ Tenjune

source

and it was...

Happy Birthday, Stef!

From all of us on The Facebook Team, have a great day!

xii002

on this day, stars are born.