I totally trust God that everything will be fine.

everything that's been causing internal conflict and deep uneasiness came to a head today. a test of how close I'd come to my breaking point. where I did everything I could to end each conversation so the person speaking to me would leave before the first tear fell. of course I tried to hold it back, like I've done so often, but it was as if my heart and my mind said, "not this time." I guess I needed to hit that wall. to send it crashing down. now unable to walk, I'd have to take a car home.

securing the voucher kinda made the pain subside. it helps to have something to look forward to. the fdr. lights of the bridges ahead of me. the time to myself. it never gets old, seeing the brooklyn bridge illuminated before me. I wish I could put my finger on why the image leaves me spellbound. perhaps it's the stretch of road that never seems long enough, as I try in vain to keep the image forever framed. the image of a spectacularly lit bridge flanked stunningly by the lower manhattan skyline. or maybe it's the disbelief that human hands couldve come together to build something so grand, so beautifully and meticulously constructed. it sends me into a trance, a steady-breathing, heart calmly-beating trance. reminding me that what happened today is no match for how I envision my tomorrow.

it's crazy when you find yourself in a familiar space. at a familiar time. a familiar chill in the air... the bridge of familar songs replaying in your head trying so hard to take you back to a place, a pain that you'd left so far behind. and yet for some reason long to return. somehow it escaped before you felt you really owned that moment. that time. now feeling a bit confused, alone... like you lost a battle... til there's that lightbulb- the one that reminds you that though you aren't where you expected, you're damn sure happy that you made it here today. teni told me I'm a bad bitch.

nighttime walks down city blocks, muscular arms thrown around slender shoulders, a little squeeze to get just a little bit closer, warmer.
i believe in sunny days sitting on a stoop, on a park bench, seated outside at a park slope restaurant, trying to not choke, giggling between bites.
go fish, I-declare-war, connect four, competition. chess. Someone's gotta be the best.
I believe in plush carpets and playfights.
phone calls, if only brief, tell me how your day was.
time apart- you do your thing, I'll go do mine.
rainy days. lazy days. HBO on demand. Dinner. 40s.
getaways. beaches. adventures. a partner in crime. a partner.
a spiritual connection. Knowing that your faith and my faith stroll hand in hand. I believe in I've got your back, you've got mine.
eye contact. a single glance, a twinkle in the eye. a wink.
dim lights. a slow dance.
I believe in a touch. a hug. a whisper.
a kiss.
I believe...in love.