"Jesus be a shrink"

but did u just type phrozen?

absolutely.

Jesus loves you.

that's all I got going for me right now

where's ur emmy?

is this your king?

the one whose lyrics you thumbs up when they appear in your friend's status?

is this the same man who pointed out in the first verse of a song:
I forgot to call you on your birthday
you swear you're the last thing on my mind

and then had the audacity to get to the chorus and swear I don't need no one else?
are you out your fucking mind?!!! everyone knows how I feel about my birthday.

and he's the best you've ever had? i hope not.



because say what you want about Jay, at least my favorite rapper doesn't "freestyle" off a blackberry.

and shame on you flex for not dropping a bomb on his ass when he pulled this shit.

mr. ford via thisis50.com

come harder, this won't be easy. (twss)

scene: house party

you're too fly to not be up in that party dancing.
it goes that way sometimes.
so, i used to play ball in college.
okay.
yeah.
where'd you play?
Duke.
::side eye::
yeah, I used to play ball for Duke.
really? I went to Duke. when'd you go there?
'01.
::side eye::
I played until '05 and then I transferred to NCCU where I had a career-ending injury and then I left in '06.
::side eye::
and how old are you?
23. my name is Handsome.

and I politely excused myself.

lesson: don't lie to me. and don't try to holla at someone that works for a toothbrush brand with that doodoo breath. you're done.
-----

scene: a well-lit, tree-lined block in the heart of historic stuyvesant heights (at least that's how the craigslist ad would describe it).

sexy!
sexy!

i've been meaning to add some strength-training to my workout, just haven't gotten around to it. right now, one block left and my weak arms can rest from the strain of carrying a week's supply of apples, Lean Cuisines and Captain Crunch.

sexy!
sexy!

fuck. there's commotion coming from the side of the street that I need to be on.

sexy!

damn. he's talking to me. and hanging out of the passsenger side. Lord, give me strength. crap, the driver skillfully maneuvered the car to my side. and homie is still hanging out the window. quick, cross the street.

what? you don't wanna talk to me?
not with you screaming from across the street like you done lost your mind
that's why I came over here

no, you mean that's why you had your friend drive across the street while you continued to shout from the window like the definition of a scrub. be civil, stef, ignore and cross the street.

what? you think you too good for me?

well, when you put it like that, yes. yes, I do.
-----

i don't mind that he'll think i'm stuck up. that i'm full of myself. i need this armor to protect me from the riffraff because, truth is, having someone come correct is half the battle. God forbid he stepped out of the car. or that that other monster got his lies straight. or invested in a pack of Orbit. or ten. you want smiley faces after all of my phrases? get creative...

you already know what it's hittin for
ma i got whatever outside and you know what i'm sittin on
50/50 venture with them S. Dots kickin off
Armadale poppin now, only bring a nigga more
only thing missin is a missus
you ain't even gotta do the dishes, got two dishwashers
got one chef, one maid
all i need is a partner, to play spades with the cards up, all trust.



and everybody knows there's nothing I love more than a good game of Spades.

press play

I have a lot of bad habits. some I don't give a shit about, some that are really not that bad, and some that just need to go. right now, one of my biggest issues is smoking. it started in high school. it was something I grew up saying I'd never do, but once the opportunity presented itself, it was way too easy and accessible not to. I rarely had to buy, and when I did, I never finished a pack because I always felt guilty. I knew it was wrong, it didn't help my dreams of becoming a world champion badminton player, but it was fun, I bonded with my classmates and it looked damn cool.

But there's nothing cool about a self-inflicted death. Death which I am so deathly (haha!) afraid of. And yet I do it, because, unfortunately, I enjoy it. People who grab the cigarette from betwixt my fingers and crush it get on my nerves. Those who point and preach work my last damn nerve. But, secretly, I wish I was like them; I wish I was repulsed by the idea of smoking, but I'm not.

I've had many moments when I'd finish smoking and I'd vow to never do it again. But before I quit I'd need just one more. But it's never the last one. and I always feel guilty because I know better. And, if that isn't enough, what would my mother think? You'd think that would make me come to my senses, but it doesn't.

Follow me now.

I love birthdays. I think that it's fantastic that everyone gets a day devoted to themselves-- even if you have to share it with millions of random people, there's always a chance that you get a baby Princess born on that day, a win-win in my book. my birthday is a big deal. I celebrate. celebrate. celebrate (and am grateful to those who indulge me). But, I love my birthday more so for what it symbolizes. It's about getting older, wiser, more mature. It allows me to reflect on where I've been, where I am now, and where I'd like to see myself. It's making sure that I don't catch myself doing the same crazy shit at 23 that I was doing at 17. See, time flies when you're having fun and being dumb.

The nature of habits is that they're routine. They may be bad but they feel oh so good in the moment. you're willing to deal with the bad times because you're hanging onto the memories of the good times. it takes strength of character to really put an end to it. or, if that's too difficult, it takes a little prod from that special day to hint that you're not getting any younger, just older and in deeper shit. but it's not about making some declaration "when i turn 23, i'm gonna get my life together," or "my New Year's resolution is to stop being a fuck up." it's a nice, friendly reminder that not because you're moving slowly means that time will.

there were habits I refused to let go of-- I thought it'd be too painful otherwise. when I finally let them go, after those few days or weeks or however long of withdrawal, it just wasn't so bad. I felt better. Rejuvenated. Hell, I'd feel like I could run miles when before I was content with walking. But I can't get there just by walking. Time goes by so quickly, I'd never be able to catch up-- and not to my peers, but to who I see myself becoming. and I can't let 24 see me like this.

and now a word from cat nertz

"that's what happens- God sends you a good man and you send it right back"