not again

the truth is

that I'm tired.

I have no energy.

I don't understand tomorrow

because I only live for today.

I just live in the moment

And am present in this moment

Because all I can see is

Today.

Right now.

because as I mentally prepare

for a fourth funeral

in less than two years

I understand that my time is not mine

but God's.

He has the stopwatch.

And all we've been guaranteed

Is today.

Right now.

--

In January, at Granny's funeral

He was fine.

Looked fine.

Spoke fine.

And now,

Uncle Allan

Skin and bones.

His words, unintelligible.

Just skin and bones.

Doctors knowing it's just a matter of days,

maybe hours

while I expect the worst every time I see "Mahjah" flash across my phone

Because though I shouldn't think the worst

Reality reminds--

Those bones remind

that when it's time to go

there's no protest

just goodbye.

So why cry?