so how exactly does one bring sexy back?

a few Sundays ago, I woke up from another great Saturday night, took off my head tie, hit play on iTunes and proceeded to dance around my apartment. from the living room. to the kitchen. to my roommates' rooms. and with one great twirl, i landed in one of the bathrooms. don't remember who was singing. what song was playing. but it was lovingly sexy. actually, for argument's sake, let's just say it was erykah. i stopped to look in the mirror and admired my neatly messy coif and cocoa skin where a pimple dare not rear its ugly little head. i liked what i saw. smart, college grad, employed, wishing sallie mae would stop tryna stick me for my paper. jovial, yet shy. wendy's child (she can't deny me), pretty girl, big smile. and yet, maybe a week or two from my 23rd bday, and I looked a nice, cool...17. i've sat at the table w/ folks my age and been the only one to get carded. i've walked into corner stores and had to show ID before they gave me my honey dutch. not complaining though, b/c i'd rather look young than old, but that's not even the point.

after studying my image for a few more minutes, i ran to my phone, dialed 9-1-1 and my LG picked up. the conversation went something like this:
LG: what's the emergency?
sus: well...i was looking in the mirror...
LG: and?
sus: i realized that i'm not sexy!
LG: what the hell are you talking about?
sus: i look like a child. not sexy. the only way i'd come across as sexy is if i was butt ass, crawling on the bed, doing my best tiger impersonation. and even then, you'd have to be like 'oh, i get it. you're trying to be sexy'
LG: you're ridiculous.

and though it sounded like i had clearly lost my mind, it was coming from a real place. see, in my head i'm going for:


but i'm actually tracking around:


so, i needed to either reassess my goals or kill myself. the latter not being an option, and thus why I needed my LG. he decided that it was best to reassess, because, as he explained it, i was right, i didn't have the sexy thing on lock, but i had other things going for me. i wasn't quite naomi, but instead he saw me as a damn good version of:


meet kerry washington. from the bronx. went to Spence. studied theatre at GW. she was even engaged to a white man! über talented, appearing in a slew of movies, including Oscar favorites Ray (2004) and Last King of Scotland (2006). it doesn't stop there. she's a spokesperson for beauty giant L’Oréal and on the board of the Creative Coalition, a nonprofit that advocates for increasing arts funding in schools, among other issues. and with all that, she still managed to pound the pavement for our first Black president. in a past life, she may have been a Prep kid.

i can live with that.

i'm still gonna hold on to my inner nana though-- she's gonna come in handy someday.